


Odds Are

by ellieloves2read



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Skybound - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellieloves2read/pseuds/ellieloves2read
Summary: Jay tends to hyperfixate on things he'd prefer not to. So, it's pretty typical of his brain to focus only on how badly everything almost turned out.(Title from the song of the same name from Bare Naked Ladies.)
Relationships: Cole & Jay Walker
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	Odds Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, thanks for clicking on this!
> 
> I wrote this several months ago at like 2 in the morning, but I'm still pretty proud of it. This takes place in an au where Skybound didn't end with a reset 
> 
> Quick warning, there's a small panic attack, so be warned. Hope you enjoy!

Jay has always been the kind of person who doesn’t stop moving. He’s always pacing, fidgeting, fixing something. He knows that the first thing most people notice about him is how he never seems to stop talking. Heck, even when he’s trying to sleep, his mind never slows down, constantly jumping from topic to topic. 

His mind is speeding right now, too, but it’s not jumping around. It’s stuck on the same topic, replaying the same few thoughts over and over like a broken record, and since Jay’s stuck in a hospital bed for the time being, he can’t do much to stop it. 

He wish- he _wants_ to stop it. He would rather think about literally anything else, like how he and Nya are maybe finally working things out, or how Zane has a little brother now, or even how his parents weren't always his parents, as… complicated as his feelings are about that. 

But, as fast as Jay thinks, he also tends to hyperfixate on things he'd prefer not to. So it's pretty typical of his brain to focus only on how badly everything almost turned out.

According to Lloyd, he'd passed out almost immediately after the fight was over. This was confirmed by Zane, who had spent no less than half an hour berating Jay for pushing himself while injured. Jay had tried to protest that that was something every member of the team had done at least once, to which Zane had retorted that generally, the injuries didn't include half-healed broken ribs, a sprained wrist, and a missing eye. The ninja also weren't usually recovering from malnourishment and fatigue. Jay conceded that point, but hadn't been (and still wasn't) about to back down.

 _‘Shouldn't have pushed myself’, my behind. What was I supposed to do, let him hurt them? Besides,_ he gazes at the branches outside of his window, _it’s my fault things got that bad anyway._

“Hey, Zaptrap.”

Jay’s thoughts momentarily slow as he sees Cole standing in the doorway to his hospital room. He looks a little awkward, and Jay can’t quite tell if it’s because he’s a ghost in a hospital or because he has to duck a little to get through the door. 

Jay shoves his thoughts aside for later and reaches for his typical dumb grin. “Hey, Dirtclod.”

Cole smiles. Or at least, he tries to. The smile looks a little nervous, if Jay’s honest, but he can relate. He doesn’t come into the room immediately, and Jay thinks, _yep. I screwed up. Way to alienate your best friend, you human personification of anxiety_ before Cole seems to decide on something and enters, sitting down in a chair by Jay’s bedside. On his right. 

_“Eye” see what you did there, Cole. …oh First Spinjitzu_ Master, _that was awful._

Blissfully unaware of Jay’s internal comedy failure, Cole finally speaks again. “So, uh, how’re you holding up?”

“Oh, y’know, just, uh. Sitting here, not dying. So.” Why does Jay speak? Who let him speak? He coughs a bit. “A-and you? How’re things in not-hospital land?”

“Oh! Uh, yeah they’re alright, we’re just trying to sort out. Stuff.” Judging by his face, Cole doesn’t seem to know what to say. Jay can’t blame him. He’s not sure, either. 

The atmosphere is thick and tense in a way that reminds Jay a little too much of small spaces, so he tears his eye away from Cole. It’s stupid, he thinks. This whole mess was his fault; what right does _he_ have to feel sorry for himself when his friends were nearly killed, when Nya almost gave up everything to buy him a little more time, when Ninjago was almost crushed because _he_ couldn’t take no for an answer? Thoughts clamor in Jay’s head and he grabs his sheets to disguise how his hands are shaking. 

"I'm sorry."

He hadn’t meant to say it (at least not now), but out of the corner of his eye, Jay sees Cole sit up a bit and figures, hey, might as well. "What?"

"I said," he bites his lip, "I'm sorry. About," he waves his hand, ignoring the slight painful twinge in his wrist. "All this. Lying, and, and not telling you guys everything. A-and for, um, trying to make you guys feel sorry for me after we lost Zane."

Blood starts to roar in his ears, and he clenches his sheets tighter. To ground himself, he thinks (though he's not sure if there's really that much thought put into the action). 

"Jay, listen-"

"I made everything way worse than it needed to be," Jay continues, barely hearing Cole over the static in his head. "I split the team, I-I gave N- _him_ the upper hand, I." Jay laughs a little bit, his fingers aching from their tight hold. "We almost lost, Cole, we- we could've lost, and it would've been my fault-"

"Jay-" 

"And, and I tried to get you in on it, I asked you to keep quiet jus- just because I didn't wanna own up to my own dumb mistakes. I shouldn't have- shouldn't have asked you to do that, I'm _sorry-_ "

Cole's hand clasps Jay's shoulder, and he flinches as he remembers _his_ hands. Jay immediately wishe- _regrets_ it, because Cole draws his hand away again as if it'd been burned, his face full of concern.

"Oh geez, Jay, I'm sorry-"

"No, no, it- it's fine," Jay says hurriedly. He hates it when Cole looks like that. He lets out a half-laugh and tries to get his heart to _calm down_ already. "I mean, after all the stuff I put you guys through, this is p-probably karma or something."

Cole doesn't laugh, and soon, Jay's pathetic attempt fades out, too. It wasn't that funny. He starts to apologize again, but Cole cuts him off. Outside, the faint sound of wind rustling some leaves highlights the silence in the hospital room. Eventually, Cole sighs

"Look, Jay, I… I'm not gonna tell you you didn't do anything wrong, or that everything’s okay, because. Well, we both know that's a lie." Jay turns his head a little farther away. “But… it’s not like you were the only one who messed up. I mean,” Cole tries his own halfhearted laugh, “no matter how you slice it, making you milk a giant deadly spider on your own wasn’t exactly something a best friend should do.” 

Jay mumbles, “Not like I didn’t deserve it.”

Cole’s silent for a while, long enough that Jay finally chances looking at his friend again. He can’t quite decipher Cole’s expression, but it reminds him a little too much of the face he’d made after Jay flinched. _That was pretty dark,_ Jay thinks. _I gotta say something before he goes into his “concerned leader mode” again._ But for once, nothing comes to mind. No jokes, no ramblings, nothing.

“…You didn’t. You didn’t deserve that, Jay.” Jay starts to protest, but Cole keeps going. “I shouldn’t have made you do that. I mean, yeah, you messed up, but that thing could’ve _killed_ you, and- and then there’s everything that happened after; you really didn’t deserve _that-_ "

He cuts himself off and gives Jay _that face_ again, like he’s worried he’s gone too far.

"Anyway. My point is, you’re not the only one who made a stupid decision, so stop acting like this whole fiasco was your fault.”

 _He’s not angry at me,_ Jay realizes (probably way too late, but he’s never been great at picking up cues). _…why?_

“What do you mean, ‘why?’”

“Um.” _Oh geez, I said that out loud._ “It’s just. I.” Jay focuses on one of the branches behind Cole. “I don’t get it. I don’t get how you can look at- at _this_ and not-“ _Hate me._

He’s pretty sure he hadn’t said that last bit aloud, but Cole looks almost teary-eyed (or as much as a ghost can be, anyway), so maybe the painkillers and head trauma is messing with Jay more than he thought. Or maybe they just know each other too well.

Cole almost puts his hand on Jay’s shoulder again, but he stops and settles for placing it on his hand instead.

"…I don't hate my father for how he acted after my mom died." Jay's eye widens. That's… not what he expected. Cole keeps going, rubbing his thumb along Jay's knuckles. "I don't hate Lloyd for opening the Serpentine tombs. I don't hate Skylor for working with Chen, I don't hate Borg for accidentally bringing the Overlord back, and," he meets Jay's stunned gaze, "I don't hate you for lying."

Jay swallows. He averts his gaze slightly, knowing full well that if he looks Cole in the eye again, he'll probably start crying. "…I don't…"

This time, Cole touches Jay's cheek, gently bringing him to look at Cole again. "You're not your mistakes, Jay. It's true, you messed up, but that doesn't make you any less of a person, and it doesn't make you any less my friend. Besides," Cole smiles ruefully. "We were able to make up after our fight, and for a long time, I thought that was impossible. If we could make it past that, we can fix this."

Jay can't say anything. He tries a couple times, but no complete words come. After some more attempts at speech, he stammers out, "W-we?"

A small laugh escapes Cole. "We're best friends, aren't we?"

For reasons Jay can't quite understand, that hits him harder than anything else. He lowers his head and tries to ignore how his eye is stinging. At last, he breathes out a genuine (if subdued) laugh, shakes his head, and meets Cole's eyes, a shaky grin splitting his face. "Man, I missed you.”

Before he knows it, Cole’s wrapped his arms around him, and while Jay tenses a little at first, he quickly relaxes and leans into the embrace because _seriously_ , it's been too long since he’s had a patented Cole Hug with no life-or-death scenarios looming over them.

"I missed you, too,” Cole whispers. He sounds just as choked up as Jay feels. “I missed you, too.”

Jay manages to tilt his head so that the left side of his face is pressed against Cole before the tears come out in full force. He hugs Cole back with as much strength his too-thin arms can muster, and Cole runs his hand through Jay’s messy hair. The position is a little awkward, and Jay’s not-fully-healed ribs ache more than a little, but he couldn’t care less. This is so different from the coldness of the brig, or the hot, bright deck of the Misfortune’s Keep, or even the silence that had filled the room before Cole arrived. It feels safe, and that just makes Jay cry even harder.

He’s not sure how long they sit there. It’s probably way too long, but Jay doesn’t think that’s a problem. They’ve got time for this now. He _is_ feeling super sappy, though, and true to form, Jay’s mind immediately turns to dumb humor.

“You know,” Jay chokes out, “if there’s one upside to the whole eyepatch thing, it’s that _eye_ can cry on you without getting you wet."

Cole snorts. “Jay, that’s absolutely terrible.”

“You laughed, didn’t you? Oh, and speaking of, here’s another upside: do you realize how many eye-related puns I can make now? There’s a goldmine!”

“Jay, no.”

Jay grins widely, even though he knows Cole can’t see it. “Jay, yes!”

Cole groans. Jay can almost hear the eye roll. He giggles a little, imagining the looks on the other's faces when he brings out the bad puns.

The others… he still needs to apologize to them, no matter what Cole says. And he's covered some ground with Nya, but there's no way _that_ conversation's over. Somehow, though, that thought doesn't press down on him quite like he thought it would.

"… Thanks, Cole."

He feels Cole ruffle his hair. "Anytime, shrimp."

 _We'll be okay,_ Jay thinks, nuzzling a little more into Cole's shoulder. _We'll be okay._


End file.
